30
Sep
13

An Open Letter to Women from Men

Dear Women,

First of all, we’re sorry. We’re sorry that although we look like men, we often act like boys. We’re not even sure what it means to be men anymore. As we grow up, we learn that to be happy is to be self-indulgent and self-centered. We try to make enough money so that we can have the right TV with the right video games in the right home. We want to date you and maybe even marry you but we are scared to focus on someone else instead of ourselves. Isn’t it sad that we see committing to you as a potential threat to our happiness instead of a wonderful opportunity?

Here’s what we don’t understand: True happiness comes from being true men. We think and act like boys who don’t want their toys taken away. We look up to “role models” in the media who teach us to get as much gratification out of life as possible. We may claim to be spiritual, or even firm atheists, but pleasure is the god that we worship, whether we realize it or not. Unfortunately, women tend to be just another part of our hedonistic lifestyle. Please know this: True men won’t treat you like an irritating obstacle or a sexual convenience.

A real man understands that women are to be cherished and treated with care and honor. He sees marriage as the opportunity to be a real-life superhero—he leaves behind his old identity and becomes a new person, dedicated to serving his wife and children. Although he will struggle at first, a true man who marries eventually understands that he can’t fit through the narrow doorway to happiness if he tries to carry all of his toys with him. There is just enough room for him and his wife, arm in arm, committed to their marriage.

Women, you can help us become real men! Most importantly, we want to feel admired by you. Help us to know that you love us just as we are, even if there is room for improvement. Do this by giving us words of validation; praise us for the things we do well. This means more to us than we let on.

In return, we will make sure that you feel loved and cherished by us. We will learn to talk with you so you can be heard and understood, not so that we can tell you how to solve your problems. We’ll also try to learn to express how we feel without withdrawing or getting angry. With polished communication we can learn that what makes you happy makes us happy too! What a concept!

 

Once again, we’re sorry. We are to blame, even though good male role models are hard to find these days. We’ve ignored our calling to become true men and instead act like we’re in high school for as long as we can. Please trust that we are capable of more than this.

If you are frustrated with the man in your life, do your best to forgive him and start fresh. After a while, if it’s clear that he will not become a real man, leave him. You deserve better.

A healthy relationship will make everyone involved feel happy. When we are happy, we are capable of living meaningful and fulfilling lives alongside one another. Thank you for your understanding and patience as we journey onward to find happiness and become real men.

Sincerely,
Men
Source: http://www.youbeauty.com/mind/columns/cloud-nine/letter-to-women-from-men

10
Aug
13

Are You Truly Rich & Truly Happy?

Belum lama ini, ketika saya sedang menunggu seorang teman di Starbucks, ada seorang wanita dengan dandanan ala kantoran menghampiri saya. “Permisi, nama saya Regina, boleh minta waktunya sebentar?” Saya sambil melihat jam tangan, ternyata masih lumayan banyak waktu. “Silahkan”, kata saya.

Setelah dia sedikit berbasa basi, saya sambil mengira-ngira apa yang dia mau bicarakan, dan……. not so surprise, ternyata dia mau menawarkan asuransi jiwa. Langsung saja saya bilang kepadanya sudah punya (memang beneran sudah punya). Pantang mundur dengan segala cara dia coba menyakinkan saya sampai mengajak saya untuk join ikutan jadi agen dibawah dia.

“Sorry mbak, saya tidak tertarik dengan tawarannya.” jawab saya.  Pantang menyerah dia menjawab, “Ini pekerjaan prospeknya bagus lho, dengan income yang tak terbatas. Bisa membuat kita cepat kaya & bahagia” Hmmm… Saya tergelitik mendengar kata kaya & bahagia.

“Mbak sekarang kaya & bahagia?”, tanya saya.

“Iya, pekerjaan ini bisa membuat jadi kaya & bahagia.” jawabnya.

“Ok, kalau boleh tahu, apa saja sih kaya & bahagia itu menurut anda?” balas saya.

Sambil mengeluarkan selembar kertas (baru), dia menulis:

  1. Punya income sebulan Rp xxxxxxx (sambil menulis sejumlah nominal)
  2. Punya rumah, apartemen, dll
  3. Mobil BMW seri terbaru
  4. Jalan-jalan ke luar negri gratis

“Ini semua kita dapatkan kalau menjalani bisnis ini.” lanjutnya.

“Boleh pinjam kertas & pulpennya?”, lalu saya tulis persis disebelah tulisannya tadi:

  1. Saya punya orang tua yang menyayangi saya & sampai sekarang saya bersyukur masih dapat melihat mereka setiap hari.
  2. Saya punya rumah yang mungkin tidak terlalu besar, tapi nyaman untuk ditempati.
  3. Saya menjalankan pekerjaan yang merupakan salah satu dari passion saya.
  4. Saya bisa jalan-jalan kemana & kapanpun saya mau, walau mungkin tidak gratis.
  5. Saya ada kendaraan walau bukan BMW seri terbaru tapi masih membawa saya kemana-mana.
  6. Saya bisa memberi & melayani buat Tuhan walau mungkin saya tidak punya income yang wah.
  7. Saya punya time freedom.

Dan masih banyak lagi yang bisa ditulis, tapi kertasnya tidak muat.

Pertanyaan saya kepadanya, “Apakah seperti yang anda tulis itu yang membuat anda bahagia?”

Setelah itu dia hanya diam & mohon permisi.

Well, tidak ada yang benar & salah diantara kami berdua. Semua boleh pendapat & keinginannya masing-masing. Tapi disini saya mau tekankan adalah jangan terlalu fokus untuk mengejar uang atau harta didalam hidup ini.

Seperti yang tertulis di injil Lukas 12:20-21, “Tetapi firman Allah kepadanya: Hai engkau orang bodoh, pada malam ini juga jiwamu akan diambil dari padamu, dan apa yang telah kausediakan, untuk siapakah itu nanti? Demikianlah jadinya dengan orang yang mengumpulkan harta bagi dirinya sendiri, jikalau ia tidak kaya di hadapan Allah.”

My friends, uang hanyalah salah satu alat bukan tujuan utama dalam hidup. Fokuslah kepada bagaimana kita memberi value kepada orang banyak dalam hidup ini.

A Great Priest with A Big Heart

Courtesy of Romo Yance

Courtesy of Romo Yance

Selasa, 6 Agustus 2013, saya kehilangan seorang teman yang dipanggil Tuhan. Rm Yohanes Senda Laka, Pr  atau yang akrab disapa Rm. Yance. Seorang pastor dari keuskupan Atambua. Buat saya dia adalah seorang sahabat & mentor. Pembawaannya yang tenang & santai, membuat dia cepat akrab dimanapun berada.

Salah satu yang saya pelajari dari dia adalah: “Santai saja, biarlah Tuhan yang membimbing langkah kita.” dan itu sungguh-sungguh dia jalani dalam hidupnya. Romo Yance sendiri banyak memberikan value didalam hidupnya kepada orang lain.

Mengutip dari status Facebook salah seorang teman saya, Riko Ariefano: “He is not a conglomerate, he is not a celebrity, and he is not a political figure, but 286 priests and almost 5000 people came to his funeral Mass with tears. How do you think he lived his life?

Yes! Romo Yance adalah orang yang kaya & bahagia. Kaya & bahagia karena hidupnya selalu bersama Yesus dan membagikan cinta-Nya kepada orang lain. A great priest with a big heart.

So, the question now, are you truly rich & truly happy?

-Andriy-

16
Apr
12

45 THINGS A GIRL WANT, BUT WON’T ASK FOR

20-sure-signs-healthy-relationship.jpg

 

45 THINGS A GIRL WANT, BUT WON’T ASK FOR:

1. Touch her waist.
2. Actually talk to her.
3. Share secrets with her
4. Give her your jacket.
5. Kiss her slowly.

Are you remembering this?
6. Hug her.
7. Hold her.
8. Laugh with her.
9. Invite her somewhere.
10. Hangout with her and your friends together.

KEEP READING ..
11. Smile with her.
12. Take pictures with her.
13. Pull her onto your lap.
14. When she says she loves you more, deny it. Fight back.
15. When her friends say “I love her more than you”, deny it. Fight back and hug her tight so she can’t get to her friends. It makes her feel loved.

Are you thinking of someone?
16. Always hug her and say I love you whenever you see her.
17. Kiss her unexpectedly.
18. Hug her from behind around the waist.
19. Tell her she’s beautiful.
20. Tell her the way you feel about her.

One last thing you need to do to show her you actually do mean it.
21. Open doors for her, walk her to her car – it makes her feel protected, plus it never hurts to act like a gentleman.
22. Tell her she’s your everything – only if you mean it.
23. If it seems like there is something wrong, ask her – if she denies something being wrong, it means SHE DOESN’T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT – so just hug her.

24. Make her feel loved.
25. Kiss her in front of OTHER girls you know!

WE MIGHT DENY IT BUT WE ACTUALLY LIKE AND KINDA WANT YOU TO TICKLE US ..
26. Don’t lie to her.
27. DON’T cheat on her.
28. Take her ANYWHERE she wants.
29. Text message or call her in the morning and tell her have a good day at school/work, and how much you miss her.
30. Be there for her whenever she needs you, and even when she doesn’t need you, just be there so she’ll know that she can always count on you.

ARE YOU STILL READING THIS? YOU BETTER, BECAUSE IT’S IMPORTANT.
31. Hold her close when she’s cold so she can hold you too.
32. When you are alone hold her close and kiss her.
33. Kiss her on the cheek; (it will give her the hint that you want to kiss her).
34. While in the movies, put your arm around her and then she will automatically put her head on your shoulder, then lean in and tilt her chin up and kiss her lightly.

35. Don’t ever tell her to leave even jokingly or act like you’re mad. If she’s upset, comfort her.

REMEMBER ALL THESE THINGS WHEN YOU ARE WITH HER NEXT ..
36. When people diss her, stand up for her.
37. Look deep into her eyes and tell her you love her.
38. Lay down under the stars and put her head on your chest so she can listen to the steady beat of your heart, link your fingers together while you whisper to her as she rests her eyes and listens to you.
39. When walking next to each other grab her hand.
40. When you hug her, hold her in your arms as long as possible.

MAKE SURE SHE KNOWS SHES LOVED.
41. Call or text her at night to wish her sweet dreams.
42. Comfort her when she cries and wipe away her tears.
43. Take her for long walks at night.
44. Always remind her how much you love her.
45. Sit on top of her and tell her how much you love her and then bend down to her face and kiss her while you’re sitting on her.

Source: http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=335848923144137&set=a.221336647928699.58058.219494334779597&type=1

23
Dec
11

If a Man Wants You (Read and Share it Friends)


This advice was passed along to me from a counselor; it was great to hear so I wanted to share it.

If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away.

If he doesn’t want you, nothing can make him stay.

Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior.

Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.

Stop trying to change yourselves for a relationship that’s not meant to be.

Slower is better.
Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy.

If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve

then heck no, you can’t “be friends.”

 

A friend wouldn’t mistreat a friend.

 

Don’t settle. If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is.

Don’t stay because you think “it will get better.” You’ll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better.

The only person you can control in a relationship is you.

 

Avoid men who’ve got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women.

He didn’t marry them when he got them pregnant,

Why would he treat you any differently?

 

Always have your own set of friends separate from his.

 

Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you.

 

If something bothers you, speak up.

Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later.
You cannot change a man’s behavior. Change comes from within.

Don’t EVER make him feel he is more important than you are…even if he has

more education or in a better job. Do not make him into a quasi-god.

He is a man, nothing more nothing less.

Never let a man define who you are.

Never borrow someone else’s man.

Oh Lord!  If he cheated with you, he’ll cheat on you.

A man will only treat you the way you allow him to treat you.

Think About it and Share With your Friends too

Source: http://inspireyourliving.wordpress.com/2011/12/22/if-a-man-wants-you-read-and-share-it-friends/

26
Oct
11

Married or Not.. You should read this.

Wills-After-Marriage.jpg

 

【 Marriage 】
「When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I’ve got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes..

Suddenly I didn’t know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly. She didn’t seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?

I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn’t talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn’t love her anymore. I just pitied her!

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn’t have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane. When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn’t want anything from me, but needed a month’s notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month’s time and she didn’t want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.

This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day. She requested that every day for the month’s duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.

I told Jane about my wife’s divorce conditions. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.

My wife and I hadn’t had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don’t tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn’t looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me. On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn’t tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.

She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.

Suddenly it hit me… she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.

Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it’s time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.

But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn’t noticed that our life lacked intimacy. I drove to office…. jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind…I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore.

She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won’t divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn’t value the details of our lives, not because we didn’t love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart. Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away. At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I’ll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.

That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed – dead. My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push through with the divorce.
— At least, in the eyes of our son — I’m a loving husband…

The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves.

So find time to be your spouse’s friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!

If you don’t share this, nothing will happen to you.

If you do, you just might save a marriage. Many of life’s failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.. …」

 

Source: http://www.facebook.com/SharingMedia

26
Oct
11

HERE’S 99 FACTS ABOUT GUYS

【 *GIRLS PLEASE READ THIS* 】

HERE’S 99 FACTS ABOUT GUYS
More than 70% Things are right about boys..

1. Guys don’t actually look after good-looking girls. They prefer neat and presentable girls.

2. Guys hate flirts.

3. A guy can like you for a minute, and then forget you afterwards.

4. When a guy says he doesn’t understand you, it simply means you’re not thinking the way he is or he really don’t know or understand what you’re talking about..

5. “Are you doing something?” or “Have you eaten already?” are the first usual questions a guy asks on the phone just to get out from stammering.

6. Guys may be flirting around all day but before they go to sleep, they always think about the girl they truly care about.

7. When a guy really likes you, he’ll disregard all your bad characteristics.

8. Guys go crazy over a girl’s smile.

9. Guys will do anything just to get the girl’s attention.

10. Guys hate it when you talk about your ex-boyfriend.

11. When guys want to meet your parents. Let them.

12. Guys want to tell you many things but they can’t. And they sure have one habit to gain courage and spirit to tell you many things and it is drinking!

13. Guys cry!!!

14. Don’t provoke the guy to heat up. Believe me. He will.

15. Guys can never dream and hope too much.

16. Guys usually try hard to get the girl who has dumped them, and this makes it harder for them to accept their defeat.

17. When you touch a guy’s heart, there’s no turning back.

18. Giving a guy a hanging message like “You know what? Uh…never mind!” would make him jump to a conclusion that is far from what you are thinking.

19. Guys go crazy when girls touch their hands.

20. Guys are good flatterers when courting but they usually stammer when they talk to a girl they really like.

21. When a guy makes a prolonged “umm” or makes any excuses when you’re asking him to do you a favor, he’s actually saying that he doesn’t like you and he can’t lay down the card for you.

22. When a girl says “no”, a guy hears it as “try again tomorrow.”

23. You have to tell a guy what you really want before he gets the message clearly.

24. Guys hate nice boy!

25. Guys love their moms.

26. A guy would sacrifice his money for lunch just to get you a couple of roses.

27. A guy often thinks about the girl who likes him. But this doesn’t mean that the guy likes her.

28. You can never understand him unless you listen to him.

29. If a guy tells you he loves you once in a lifetime. He does.

30. Beware. Guys can make gossips scatter through half of the face of the earth faster than girls can.

31. Like Eve, girls are guys’ weaknesses.

32. Guys are very open about themselves.

33. Its good to test a guy first before you believe him. But don’t let him wait that long.

34. No guy is bad when he is courting

35. Guys hate it when their clothes get dirty. Even a small dot.

36. Guys really admire girls that they like even if they’re not that much pretty.

37. Your best friend, whom your boyfriend seeks help from about his problems with you may end up being admired by your boyfriend.

38. If a guy tells you about his problems, he just needs someone to listen to him. You don’t need to give advice.

39. A usual act that proves that the guy likes you is when he teases you.

40. A guy finds ways to keep you off from linking with someone else.

41. Guys love girls with brains more than girls in miniskirts.

42. Guys try to find the stuffed toy a girl wants but would unluckily get the wrong one.

43. Guys virtually brag about anything.

44. Guys cannot keep secrets that girls tell them.

45. Guys think too much.

46. Guys’ fantasies are unlimited.

47. Girls’ height doesn’t really matter to a guy but her weight does!

48. Guys tend to get serious with their relationship and become too possessive. So watch out girls!!!

49. When a girl makes the boy suffer during courtship, it would be hard for him to let go of that girl.

50. It’s not easy for a guy to let go of his girlfriend after they broke up especially when they’ve been together for 3 years or more.

51. You have to tell a guy what you really want before getting involved with that guy.

52. A guy has to experience rejection, because if he’s too-good-never-been-busted, never been in love and hurt, he won’t be matured and grow up.

53. When an unlikable circumstance comes, guys blame themselves a lot more than girls do. They could even hurt themselves physically.

54. Guys have strong passion to change but have weak will power.

55. Guys are tigers in their peer groups but become tamed pussycats with their girlfriends.

56. When a guy pretends to be calm, check if he’s sweating. You’ll probably see that he is nervous.

57. When a guy says he is going crazy about the girl. He really is.

58. When a guy asks you to leave him alone, he’s just actually saying, “Please come and listen to me”

59. Guys don’t really have final decisions.

60. When a guy loves you, bring out the best in him.

61. If a guy starts to talk seriously, listen to him.

62. If a guy has been kept shut or silent, say something.

63. Guys believe that there’s no such thing as love at first sight, but court the girls anyway and then realize at the end that he is wrong.

64. Guys like femininity not feebleness.

65. Guys don’t like girls who punch harder than they do.

66. A guy may instantly know if the girl likes him but can never be sure unless the girl tells him.

67. A guy would waste his time over video games and basketball, the way a girl would do over her romance novels and make-ups.

68. Guys love girls who can cook or bake.

69. Guys like girls who are like their moms. No kidding!

70. A guy has more problems than you can see with your naked eyes.

71. A guy’s friend knows everything about him. Use this to your advantage.

72. Don’t be a snob. Guys may easily give up on the first sign of rejection.

73. Don’t be biased. Try loving a guy without prejudice and you’ll be surprised.

74. Girls who bathe in their eau de perfumes do more repelling than attracting guys.

75. Guys are more talkative than girls are especially when the topic is about girls.

76. Guys don’t comprehend the statement “Get lost” too well.

77. Guys really think that girls are strange and have unpredictable decisions but still love them more.

78. When a guy gives a crooked or pretentious grin at your jokes, he finds them offending and he just tried to be polite.

79. Guys don’t care about how shiny their shoes are unlike girls.

80. Guys tend to generalize about girls but once they get to know them, they’ll realize they’re wrong.

81. Any guy can handle his problems all by his own. He’s just too stubborn to deal with it.

82. Guys find it so objectionable when a girl swears.

83. Guys’ weakest point is at the knee.

84. When a problem arises, a guy usually keeps himself cool but is already thinking of a way out.

85. When a guy is conscious of his looks, it shows he is not good at fixing things.

86. When a guy looks at you, either he’s amazed of you or he’s criticizing you.

87. When you catch him cheating on you and he asks for a second chance, give it to him. But when you catch him again and he asks for another chance, ignore him.

88. If a guy lets you go, he really loves you.

89. If you have a boyfriend, and your boy best friend always glances at you and it obviously shows that he is jealous whenever you’re with your boyfriend, all I can say is your boy best friend loves you more than your boyfriend does.

90. Guys learn from experience not from the romance books that girls read and take as their basis of experience.

91. You can tell if a guy is really hurt or in pain when he cries in front of you!

92. If a guy suddenly asks you for a date, ask him first why.

93. When a guy says he can’t sleep if he doesn’t hear your voice even just for one night, hang up. He also tells that to another girl. He only flatters you and sometimes makes fun of you.

94. You can truly say that a guy has good intentions if you see him praying sometimes.

95. Guys seek for advice not from a guy but from a girl.

96. Girls are allowed to touch boys’ things. Not their hair!

97. If a guy says you’re beautiful, that guy likes you.

98. Guys hate girls who overreact.

99. Guys love you more than you love them if they are serious in your relationships.

THANK YOU FOR READING =D ❤

 

Source: http://www.facebook.com/SharingMedia

21
Sep
11

The Only Thing That Can Heal Your Emotional Wounds?

 

Have you been hurt before?

Have you ever been rejected by others? Ridiculed? Maligned? Gossiped about?

Have you been cheated? Betrayed? Lied to? Stolen from?

If your answer is yes, then I’m writing to the right person.

That means you have emotional wounds, and my big message for you is that there’s only one thing that can heal your wounds.

Let me start by talking about something of great cosmological and eternal significance: My bloody ingrown toenail.

Sometimes called hangnail.

Let me translate that in Pilipino: hangnail iskukong nagbigti.

Anyway, would you believe my ingrown toenail lasted for two years? Because the nail kept re-growing, puncturing my wound again and again. The wound got infected and my entire toe was filled with foul-smelling yellow pus. (I apologize for grossing you out. I’m actually doing it on purpose and having fun.)

This is my claim to sainthood. If St. Francis of Assisi had his stigmata, I had my two-year old bloody ingrown toenail.

After two years, my mother scared me to death and said if the wound doesn’t get well, they might have to cut off my toe.

I loved my toe.

So I visited a doctor. And he said he had to pull out half of my toenail. I fainted.

I still remember that fateful day. The anesthesia didn’t work because of the pus. So I felt like San Lorenzo Ruiz who was tortured in the same way. (Please mention this tiny detail in my sainthood application.)

Here’s how the Doc did it.

Step 1: He pushed his scissors in between my nail and my toe, all the way to the very end. The pain was so horrific, I was ready to recant anything he told me to recant. Even my love for peanut butter.

Step 2: He cut my entire toenail into two. “Snap!”

Step 3: He got his metal pliers and yanked out half of my toenail. Blood and pus spurt like a little fountain.

But it worked.

My wound was now free to heal itself. What lasted for two years took only a few days to heal.

Why am I telling you this gory story?

To tell you that your emotional wounds are just like physical wounds. Bitterness is like the ingrown—it keeps the original wound alive by puncturing it again and again. So your emotional wound doesn’t heal.

And your soul gets infected.

If you’re not careful, the emotional wound can grow until it amputates parts of you, slowly killing you.

I’ve met people like these.

I pity them so much. They’re like the living dead. They are alive but they’re dead.

Like Minette, for instance.

Pressing The Rewind Button Again

       Minette’s husband left her three years ago.

But when you talk to her, it was like it happened yesterday.

Adultery is one of the deepest wounds a human heart can have. After entrusting your entire life to one person, that one person betrays that trust.

But I believe even the emotional wound of adultery can be healed. I’ve met many wives whose husbands became unfaithful—and they were able to move on by the power of forgiveness.

But Minette couldn’t forgive.

Because everyday, she pressed the “Rewind” button of the most hurtful scenes.

Today, Minette has cancer. It doesn’t take a psychologist to connect the dots. Her bitterness was eating up her body as well.

But it doesn’t have to be this way.

I should know.

 

I Forgive For Selfish Reasons

       I was sexually molested twice, not by strangers on the street, but by an older cousin and by my own youth group leader. William Blake said, “It is easier to forgive an enemy than to forgive a friend.” That’s so true.

Those traumatic events warped my thinking, opened my life to addictions, and gave me self-contempt that would affect my entire life. I hated myself. I was ashamed of myself. Oh yes, my wounds were deep.

Yet in my heart, I’ve forgiven them. Totally.

I’ve released the bitterness in my soul.

Why?

Because of a very selfish reason.

Remember: Forgiveness is first of all a gift you give yourself.

I forgave because I wanted peace.

I wanted to move on with my life.

I wanted to get rid of the emotional baggage.

I wanted to be free.

And today, I am!

Let me share with you one more personal experience…

When You Forgive,

You Bless Your Future

Many years ago, I started a tiny business with a friend. I was the investor and he was the guy who ran the show.

One day, I saw him with a new cell phone. A really cool, top-of-the-line thing that had everything you could think of—camera, video-cam, GPRS, missile guidance system, and an umbrella.

“Wow, that’s a great cell phone,” I said.

“This is a gift. Someone gave it to me,” he said.

The next time we meet, he brought a new laptop.

“That’s really nice,” I said.

“Oh, this is also a gift…,” he said.

A few months later, the business collapsed.

After looking at the records, I realized I was the one who gave them to him!

He was stealing from the business.

A year later, he came to me and asked for forgiveness. I forgave him even before he asked for forgiveness.

Here’s the reason why I forgave him.

Again, I did it for selfish reasons. I didn’t want to waste any of my time and energy trying to get the money back. Instead, I wanted to use all my time and energy to earn ten times what I lost. I used my frustration to create more wealth. I wanted to focus on the future, not the past. I wanted to focus on my dreams, not my wounds.

Imagine if you lost one peso. And you have two options: Spend one hour looking for that one peso or spend that same hour earning P100 somewhere else?

A bitter person will choose the first option. Crazy but true.

Today, let me report to you: I’ve earned many, many times what I lost from that tiny business.  This is the power of forgiveness. It heals your wound and blesses your future. That’s why I believe forgiveness is one of God’s greatest inventions!

Let me tell you how to forgive…

Stage One: Get Angry

Forgiveness is not a one-stage process.

It’s a two-stage process.

Here they are…

Stage One: Get angry.

Stage Two: Release the anger.

That’s it.

Don’t be shocked, but anger is the first stage of forgiveness.

You have to admit the hurt.

You have to acknowledge the pain.

You have to say, “What he did to me was wrong.”

Some people think forgiveness is pretending nothing bad happened. That’s not true. If you’re angry, feel the anger.

But you must express your anger in a non-hurtful way, without screaming or attacking. Bring your anger before God. Share your pain to a few trusted friends. Ask for prayer. Go ahead, cry. Offer your tears to God.

Anger heals because it’s about loving yourself—and love always heals. Anger means you’re standing up for you. As an abuse victim, I had to do this. Anger is needed to rebuild my broken personal boundaries.

How long should you stay in Stage One?

Not too long.

Because anger has an expiry date.

How Long Have You Been Angry?

Here’s the truth: Bitterness and anger is one and the same thing. But Bitterness is anger past its expiry date.

Let me illustrate.

I love spaghetti.

Served hot, it’s wonderful.

But left on the kitchen counter for a whole day, it may still be good but be careful.

After two days, you may get an upset stomach.

After one week, there’ll be more germs than spaghetti. At that point, the plate of spaghetti has become poison

Just like anger.

If anger stays too long in your heart, your anger no longer heals but kills. When anger turns into bitterness, it’s poison.

The Bible says, “the sun must not go down in your anger.”

I believe it. Except perhaps for severe wounds (like abuse, adultery, betrayal, etc.), I feel Stage One should not last for more than a day. I’m talking about the regular hurts we encounter everyday. Before nightfall, move onto Stage two.

But deeper wounds may need weeks or even months of anger and grief. For deeper wounds, I believe there’s no clear divide between Stage One and Two. There’ll be an overlap. But your movement must be towards Stage Two.

Because that’s where the real magic happens.

Stage Two: Release Anger

In Stage Two, you decide to forgive. Key word: Decide.

It’s not about feeling, but about willing. The feelings of anger can linger (that’s normal) but the decision has already been made in your heart.

Remember, Love is a decision, not just a feeling. If forgiveness is love, then forgiveness is a decision too.

But here’s a very important footnote:Forgiveness isn’t necessarily bringing back the relationship to where it was before. If you caught your boyfriend cheating on you, what should you do? Forgive him! But that doesn’t mean you have to get back with him again. That’s all up to you.

Let’s say you caught your boyfriend cheating on you twice. What should you do? Again, you have to forgive him. Now, do you get back into his arms? If you’re a psychotic with sadomasochistic tendencies, go ahead. Your desires will be granted.

Forgiveness is also not opening up yourself to more hurt. For example, if your alcoholic husband beat you up, you still need to forgive him; But do you back into the house? No way. You run away and never see him until he gets counselling and stops drinking for 6 months.

Forgiveness Heals The “Enemy”

The cousin who molested me has long been dead. So forgiving him in my heart was enough.

The youth group leader who sexually abused me is still alive. After 30 years, I have yet to face him. You see, I reported his name to a Bishop, asking that he be barred from doing any religious work until he gets help for his perversion. I had to protect other young boys who may be working with him. He has yet to come to me to ask for forgiveness. But even if he does not, I’ve forgiven him—and sent that “spiritually” to him.

The guy who stole money? As I said, he asked for forgiveness, and I was able to say to him, “I forgive you.”

When you forgive someone, you also offer healing to that person. Whether he accepts it or not is not your concern.

And by some magic, you don’t only heal yourself and the other person. You also heal all your loved ones.

Forgiveness Heals Everyone In Your Life

Imagine a room of ten people.

And one person there stepped on poop. (Sorry, my article is really gross today—about ingrowns and poop. But bitterness is gross.) Slowly, everyone in the room smells the awful stench. Only one person has the poop, but everyone is affected by it.

Bitterness is like that.

It wounds everyone. Your family. Your friends.

Bitterness is an evil spirit and people feel it. They smell the poison. They sense it. They want to run away.

Sometimes, when I enter a home filled with conflicts, I feel the collective wound of the family. You cannot breathe.

But when a person forgives, he’s like opening a window in a smelly room because one person stepped on poop. Fresh air comes in. If bitterness wounds everyone, forgiveness heals everyone too.

My last story is a story that I created, adapted from other sources. Be blessed as you read it.

The Son Who Hated His Father

       “Hi John,” the priest greeted his favorite nephew.

“Fr. Chris,” the young man said, his voice betraying his troubled soul.

The cleric felt so much pity for the teen. “I heard you’re having problems with your father.”

A frown formed on John’s face. “You know him. He’s your brother. You know he’s impossible to deal with. He’s so selfish. He’s so cruel…” He fought back his tears.

“Tell you what, son,” the priest tried to sound encouraging, “let’s pray for him.” He stood up and pinned the photo of the boy’s father on the wall.

“What’s that?” John asked. The sight of his father’s face stung him. He clenched his fists.

The priest said, “It’s just a way to help us pray for him. It’ll be our visual connection to your father.”

“But I don’t want to pray for him!” the young man shouted.

At that moment, the phone rang. “Excuse me, son,” Fr. Chris said, “let me answer this call and I’ll get back to you right away.” He left the room.

John found himself alone, staring at the photo of a man he despised with his entire being. Seething with rage, he saw a knife on the kitchen counter. On impulse, he grabbed it and ran back to the photo of his father. “I hate you!” he screamed, and stabbed the photo many, many times.

That was when Fr. Chris ran back. “Oh my God…,” The priest said, as he could only look in horror.

His energy spent, John thrust the knife into the photo one last time.

He took one step backward, panting.

“John, I had other photos there,” Fr. Chris said.

“What?” The young man looked at the priest.

Fr. Chris walked to the wall and removed the damaged photo.

John couldn’t believe his eyes.

Because underneath it was John’s photo. Also torn.

The priest explained. “After praying for your father, I wanted to pray for you, John.”

The young man looked at his damaged photo. His face was torn, punctured by the same stabbing he himself made.

Tears rolled down his cheeks.

But even as his vision blurred, John noticed that there was something else behind his torn photo.

He pulled it off the wall.

Underneath his photo was the picture of Jesus, His face, also torn, also wounded.

And John collapsed on his knees, and wept for a long time.

— 0 —

This is the ultimate reason why we forgive: Because even if we sin against God, He still forgives us. We don’t deserve His love, but He loves us anyway.

Heal yourself, my friend.

Forgive anyone who has wronged you.

May your dreams come true,

Bo Sanchez

 

Source: http://bosanchez.ph/the-only-thing-that-can-heal-your-emotional-wounds/




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